Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?

A: Still probably look in the bathroom mirror.

Q: Sell me this pen.

A: (Handing them the pen) two dollars please. Do you need a bag?

Q: What would you consider your greatest weakness?

A: Too tolerant of stupid interview questions. I should learn to speak my mind.

Q: What sets you apart from the other candidates?

A: Ninety percent of success is showing up. I’m here, the other candidates are not.

Q: Are you prepared to work long hours?

A: Every hour is the same length.

Q: Are you a clockwatcher?

A: No that ticks me off.

Q: You don’t appear to have all the pre-requisites for the job.

A: They are just prerequisites to be interviewed. I got past them by being interviewed.

Q: Are you prepared to travel?

A: Not at this moment, why, where are we off to?

Q: If you were an animal or instrument, which would you be?

A: Um, probably the cheetah. Instrument? The Lyre.

Q: How badly do you want the job?

A: (Shocked) I want it, but in a good way.