Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?
A: Still probably look in the bathroom mirror.
Q: Sell me this pen.
A: (Handing them the pen) two dollars please. Do you need a bag?
Q: What would you consider your greatest weakness?
A: Too tolerant of stupid interview questions. I should learn to speak my mind.
Q: What sets you apart from the other candidates?
A: Ninety percent of success is showing up. I’m here, the other candidates are not.
Q: Are you prepared to work long hours?
A: Every hour is the same length.
Q: Are you a clockwatcher?
A: No that ticks me off.
Q: You don’t appear to have all the pre-requisites for the job.
A: They are just prerequisites to be interviewed. I got past them by being interviewed.
Q: Are you prepared to travel?
A: Not at this moment, why, where are we off to?
Q: If you were an animal or instrument, which would you be?
A: Um, probably the cheetah. Instrument? The Lyre.
Q: How badly do you want the job?
A: (Shocked) I want it, but in a good way.